i am not belle

Wooo! One down, three more to go. I totally flunked the maths paper yesterday, but meh, it’s over now and I’m free from maths! Well, at least for now, anyway. Apparently, I’ll have to take up more stats in psych, but now’s not the time to deal with such things. I feel ecstatic. As Jonathan was getting his calculator yesterday, a deck of cards came loose in his bag, so when he opened his calculator, a few of them flew out. I bet he’s being accused of cheating on the probability section now. Haha!

I’ve been having trouble sleeping for the past two nights or so. They’re becoming increasingly hot. I stir a lot and am not able to sleep til hours afterwards. Hope the sporadic rains have finally stopped. It’s a nice warm day today, and hopefully, it’ll stay that way.

So nice today. Am going out for Yum Cha in a bit. I haven’t had that in… ages.

NO MORE MATHS! NO MORE MATHS! NO MORE MATHS!

Despite my sealed doom come 2pm tomorrow, I still find myself in a state of panic in regards to the maths exam. What happened to ‘I’m going to fail it, so I’m not going to bother’? I hate how I’ve disobeyed my plans. I went to uni today to make the last of my cramming with Ulrika, Anson and Stan. We got some things done. I went through piles of notes that may or may not be related to what I would be tested on while the table next to us was buzzing with tutorial exercises. I bet they’re definitely more ready than I am. I didn’t touch the practise exam questions til I got home, and I’ve just finished paper from last year’s just now- 4 hours after I got home. Mind you, I have two hours to finish the same format paper tomorrow. Oh dear. It’s a good thing the exam is in the afternoon, though. I’ll get it over and done with and head straight on to psych and chem. Oh, treacherous, treacherous. I’ll be celebrating next Thursday, even though I’m not technically finished. It’s definitely a feat, but not so much of one compared to some of my friends who have three exams straight. Holy cow, why is the keyboard sticky? I’ll need to disinfect this. Ew.

No, seriously. This is rather uncomfortable. I’m going to put methylated spirits over them now.

Oh, I’ve also done a tres crappy job on my biotech report, which is due tomorrow, which I handed in today. Half the amount required with a really poor and confused discussion at the end. I am hoping for, what, 3 out of 15 for this?

So tired. I’m going to go and rest now. Hopefully, all this will stay in my head tomorrow.

Goodnight x

I went to the state library yesterday with Joey, Stan and Chin. I’ve only been there once last year, and that was with Anson and I remember specifically, because it was the first time I tried the apple pie from Maccas. Anyway, I obviously couldn’t remember how fucking anal the system is over there, because if I had, I would have suggested going to the uni library instead. It was compulsory to rent a locker (free of charge), not bring in any food or our bags and we had to write on blank strips of cards any published books we were bringing in, so they could check it on our way out. That was ridonkulous. I don’t think I’ll ever willingly agree to go there to study ever again. Despite all that, we got a lot of studying done, well, at least I got a fair few things done- 1 lecture. Ugh. Still have heaps to go before the maths final on Friday. It’s Wednesday already. Time just flew by very, very quickly, and by next Thursday, I would have to have had chemistry and psychology down pat. I think I shall have to go out after Friday’s exam and stock up on food so I don’t leave my house for the rest of the next week.

The weather was lovely today. It got less sunny in the afternoon, but it was still sorta humid. Went to Joey’s to get some stats done and we went to Cabra to search for food. Sadly, Cabramatta has a distasteful habit of closing all their yummy food stores at around 5, so we didn’t get to have fried banana. Dammit. The sugarcane place was still opened, and the owner was dancing as he was mopping. It was cute :O) I forget how deserted the place can be as you’re approaching 8, but not that we stayed that late.

Oh man. Bitch, bitch, bitch. Even a hefty amount of Roses chocolate and kudong tea won’t bring me out of this miserable state. We all have to feel it some time. It wouldn’t be too healthy to always be happy and carefree, wouldn’t it? I was never really sure. I wonder if too much of a good thing was ever bad for you, like feeling happy-go-lucky. Though, that’s probably more of a character trait than a temporary feeling. I don’t see the bad side of it though, feeling carefree all the time. Most people would want to feel like that, I imagine. Nobody wants to feel run down, at all, unless you’re one of those people who insist they’re at their productive peak when under pressure and such. I suppose you would get bored, wouldn’t you? If you were motivated to do/achieve something, you would kind of encourage yourself to get there, and that would be considered pressure. So, does that mean, if you were constantly relaxed and stress-free, you have no goals? I don’t think I phrased the concept as properly as I should have, but hopefully, you get the gist. Essentially:

If you were always in the stressless, carefree state of mind, are you more advantageous than the people who do worry, even occasionally? What is your state of mind if you were in the former category and were trying to achieve something (whatever it be)? Can you maintain that carefree state of mind while working yourself? And if it were possible, I wonder how long this mindset would last before you got bored, assuming that nothing external will happen to stop you.

Ways of Reasoning (ARTS2366) is running over the summer session. I am contemplating taking it up, that’s if I fail to find a job to keep me busy. I have taken the appropriate units to be able to take it up as a subject. Hmm. Might be interesting. It runs from the 30th of November to the 11th of December, and it’s being taught by Michaelis Michael (whose Metaphysics and Epistemology course I took last semester. It was ace!) Maybe if I can find somebody to take this course with me..

Back to biotech report. I really should be heading off to bed right now. Ouch, or else I’ll be late tomorrow.

P.S. I just realised this as I was writing, but how funny is this:

1st
11th
21st
31st
41st
… and so on.

Is 10 (110, 210, etc) the only unit where the 1 is denoted by a ‘th’ instead of a ‘st’? Well, it obviously is, but, hurh.

It has been a rather tumultuous week for me and I have been trying to mentally and emotionally gather myself so I don’t fall apart any time soon. I am being vague because there’s a lot to cover, and it’s all just me really. Not what I would classify as a crisis or anything like that, but I’m entitled to feel a little shit about myself and my surroundings. I have been dealing with it well, I guess, seeming more composed than normal before going off to indulge in my own gloom and getting 23 mosquito bites all across my legs. It wasn’t so bad til the morning after (Friday), when I was at Ash’s and it just started to get really irritating. Alcohol was suggested, and the only alcohol in his room was Southern Comfort, so we swiped that all over my legs. It kinda felt better until it felt a little sticky, so lemons were like an after-coat on top of the alcohol. It was terrible. To make things worse, I was sitting my stats exam and it started to get itchy again and I wanted to scratch it so bad and I couldn’t concentrate and all I could think of was how much I wanted to hose down the alcohol and lemon juice with cold water. It was just painful sitting still for an hour. Before the exam, Chin and Ash walked me to the room and Ash gave Dilusha the Monkey (part of Joey’s finger puppet collection) to me for good luck. I placed it on my lap and upon finishing the test, I ran out of the room and Dilusha fell off! I didn’t realise it til 40 minutes into the next hour, so I ran back to the room. There was a class and the back row of the tutorial saw me as I was on the floor pointing to the ground and they ignored me. I got some paper off a guy and wrote FINGER PUPPET in large letters and sat right outside the door hovering the sign about, but to no avail. Those fuckers were lifeless. They had a quick glance at the floor, turned back to me and shook their heads and went back to BLUDGING. They weren’t even writing or noting anything down while the tutor was speaking. At one point, the guy at the end of the row almost slipped out of his chair! Grr. Anyway, I managed to grab Dilusha after the tutorial. Farking hell. I was just sick of that day already. A lot of worrying and running around and post-crying, I just wanted to get out of uni. Ulrika, Geoff and I went to Ramen Kan afterwards for lunch and then we strolled through Chinatown’s Friday night markets. There was so much food! Will definitely check that place out some time soon (next week, fingers crossed!)

Dilusha the Monkey (aka. Carol)

Aside from that, my Saturday was pretty usual in the morning. Went to Penshurst in the evening to meet up with Ray and Jake. It took me AN HOUR AND A HALF to get to friggin’ Penshurst. I was shocked. I didn’t know it would take me that long. Anyway, then off we went to Hilda’s for her 20th. The girl was already drunk and it wasn’t long before she passed out- and remained that way til about 10.30. We left at around 12, and Geoff brought his car and he ever so kindly let me drive it back to Cabra. Actually, I took him around central Cabramatta, Canley Heights, Bonnyrigg, St Johns Park, Bonnyrigg, Mt Pritchard and Liverpool. It was a fully fledged ghetto tour (sort of). Liverpool was particularly funny because we went to get Harry’s Hot Dogs (still open past midnight!) and as we were walking back to the car, the hooligans in the car lot were beeping their horns to the chant of AAPT. It was funny. So much beeping and people yelling at each other to shut up. It was the epitome of classy. Afterwards, we went back to my place where my dad greeted us and he looked so funny with messed up hair and he kept offering Geoff slippers. Sigh. We had some coffee, chit-chatted and he left. It was a good catching up night.

I had planned to start on my psych assignment today, but found myself reading up random articles on Wikipedia instead. I really should though, at least, get something done. Procrastination sucks.

& would rape sound better if it were pronounced rapé?